Surely, Not Everyone Was King-Fu Fighting
Gratitude and joy
This post is dedicated to John Venzon, A.C.E., whom I love.
Maybe you aren’t really into professional tennis. And that’s fine. We can still be friends, I guess. In any case you need to know about one particular gorgeous lady tennis player from Spain. Paula Badosa is a fierce, strong athlete who happens to be dating a model. And if the weather is warm Juan comes to her matches in a tank top --the kind with the sides missing-- which prompted my Tennis Husband, Richard, to say, “Why bother to wear a shirt at all?”
That’s a good point, Richard, and an excellent segue into my first story.
Richard and I returned home last night from another trip to Tennis Paradise in Indian Wells, California. I know. Another trip!
It’s hard to be so fancy and fun. But, I’m out here doing the most to keep this newsletter entertaining!
I was really missing my parents on this trip. They've always been my Indian Wells companions. Mom and I texted each other the entire time --her watching along on her TV in Alabama where they were having freak snow flurries. Weather is crazy.
Now, mom and I have mentioned Paula and Juan in our tennis discussions before. So when Mom texted me on Saturday,
“Sun’s out, guns out for Badosa’s boyfriend. Even Martina Navratilova said you can’t miss him” I knew exactly what she meant.
The next day as I was watching Rublev v Koepfer from the bleachers I turned around to see the lovely Paula herself practicing with her coach on the court behind me. I stayed like that, twisted and turned around, watching until there was a changeover, at which point I nearly tripped over myself scurrying up higher to get a better look at Paula and her entourage.
Leaning over the railing, I took this paparazzi style picture and texted it to mom,
“Look who’s practicing next door???? Paula. And her bf is near the umpire stand. Zoom in."
Then
"No shirt? No problem!”
To which she responded,
“That’s worth the trip (goofy face emoji)”
He’s holding a racquet because he’s picking up balls for his lady and generally being supportive. Wikipedia says that this guy is from Cuba, but I'm not convinced. He dresses like he’s from the Jersey Shore! I mean where do you even buy acid washed jean shorts?
Also on my tennis trip I read another writer’s newsletter which really got me. Here’s a little clip:
We’re not destined to destroy everything we love. If we can forgive ourselves for failing to become perfect, for still wanting what we want in spite of our efforts to want less, then we can feel more. We can awaken to our fears and our passions, breathe in the violent wind, and savor the dirty corners of our awful personalities.
Knowing who you are is magic. You hypnotize the barbarians
by merely
holding your ground.
You can read the whole, thought-provoking letter (which is really hard to describe) here.
Reading my many newsletter subscriptions in the morning is so much more enjoyable than reading the actual news! I can glean world news --some of the newsletters are more serious than others-- while reading creative people’s thoughts and ideas about it. Another example of a beautiful sentiment from my podcast listening this morning:
“I will never apologize for embracing joy and beauty --even when the world is falling apart-- because joy and beauty are my fuel for activism” -Karen Walrond
Even with my love of drama, I’ve never been a fan of news shows --a bunch of problems I have no control over! I heard someone sum it up this way: watching the evening news is like reflecting on everything that went wrong today. Barf. I’m trying to get out of bed, focus on positive things in my life and be grateful. A recap of all the ways humans really sucked it up today is not the vibe!
However, if you are someone who does watch the evening news, how are you countering all the negative juju?
My wish is that you may counter the negativity with a huge, long list of tangible, wonderful things that happened to you today; exciting things happening to those you love and beautiful things you smelled, saw, tasted and heard today. Everyday.
Here’s my short list today:
Cadbury mini eggs taste like creamy, chocolate, love bombs
Darla got offered a college scholarship and smiled bright as the sun
Marvin, my dog, helped me do yoga which cracked me up
If you need another good laugh today, look no further than this hilarity: (no volume needed)
I watched this on repeat until I couldn’t breathe!
Darla had a new adventure being Jeff’s assistant at an annual awards show in LA. He conducts the live band at the Eddie awards for film and TV editors. These very talented and prolific editors create every movie and show you’ve ever seen (pretty much). Our friend, Jenni, is in charge of the whole evening and Darla got extra special treatment from her. It was very sweet to hear Darla realize what a big deal Jenni is. She’s noticing what jobs adults have and wondering how they arrived at their choice.
Ha! Aren’t we all?
Sometimes I have a strong urge to stop strangers and interview them:
What do you do for fun?
How many kids do you have and do they still talk to you?
What parts of your body hurt right now?
What are you making for dinner?
How much debt do you have and why?
People are so interesting and weird. I love us!
I heard another, touching interview (on this podcast episode) with a woman who’d been through serious childhood trauma. Now as a parent, she couldn’t physically bear to sit through her children’s emotional reactions to pain and hardship. When they got upset and cried or yelled, she would change the subject or leave the room, physically uncomfortable by their display of emotions. She was talking to psychotherapists during the interview about learning how to be emotionally available for her kids because that’s what she really wanted in her life and she just could not figure out how to do it.
Isn’t that so relatable? I mean, who doesn’t have an admirable life goal that seems like it could be simple, but turns out to be impossible for their body to get on board with? Especially when it comes to breaking family patterns. It’s one thing to say, I’m not going to be like my parent. But it’s another thing altogether to break out of generational trauma or change up the script in your home.
Diana, my MIL, used to tell me horrible stories about things that happened to Jeff and Jen, her kids. I wondered why she told them to me. Perhaps to let me know that shit happens and you live through it. But maybe she was traumatized by the incidents to some degree and it helped her to talk about them.
Now I have my own horrible parenting memories --because who doesn’t?! I’ll get a negative loop in my head about some terrible parenting decision I made like TEN YEARS AGO!
Let it go, Nonni! But it’s hard to let go. Right?
My guru of a friend, Gia, suggested I try forming new pathways in my head. So when I think of those hard memories, I transition from them into thoughts about some positive aspect or outcome of my parenting. This practice will eventually disrupt the thought pattern from always ending up in a shame spiral.
When thoughts come in like a mean girl in a high school quad, talking trash, I listen for a sec then remember, oopsie! I’m late for lunch with people who actually like me, so I’m going to go sit with them now. Bye! After lunch (in my head) my memory of the mean girl is already fading.
If I do it every time, pretty soon she will stop talking trash at all because I am just not listening. Talk to the hand, Bad Parenting Memory!
I was reading through one of my old journals this month and found many adorable stories alongside the bad ones. My kids were 4 & 5 for a scene at the dinner table. Grandma was eating with us and the kids informed us they would “pray what [they] want to say,” as opposed to repeating their regular song-prayer they’d learned in pre-school.
We closed our eyes and got quiet for Zane to pray. After a beat, he started in loud with “Everybody was kung-fu fighting!”
This week marks the birth of three of the most important people in my life, so I want to pretend I’m on air with Delilah for a minute and dedicate a cheesy (but true) love song to each of you: Mark, Darcy, and Dad. You are --each one-- on my short list of wonderful people who make my life so much better every year.
Thanks for reading and for sending this newsletter to your friends.
Nonni
PS- I got another paid writing gig! WAHOO! I’ve done a few articles on organizing for Apartment Therapy. Here’s my author page. If you ever read an article I have written out in the wild, the best way to support my writing is to comment on the article. Any comment helps, even weird or crazy ones. Thank youuuuuuu!
Feel free to answer the interview questions...
Every time I pray, I will now also sing a line from a beloved pop song. :)