December, Long Beach, CA
I love getting holiday cards from friends. Sometimes I disbelieve them and assume they are sugar coating things. Sometimes I cheer for them and give them credit for making the most of a year that included as many failures as victories. I never do this with your holiday card. Of course. Your color-coded, posed family photo is giving me “We get along and aren’t in debt” or “We tried our best” depending on my mood and how judge-y I feel when I open the envelope.
(Did you know that when we judge someone else we are actually judging our own self? Fascinating.)
It doesn’t matter, I still love getting mail. Send me your time capsule photo and your jocund attempt to summarize 365 days in one paragraph.
I’m not a baker or a chef. Therefore, I don’t make many holiday treats. Nor do I excel at creative Christmas decorations. But I am a writer, so writing a holiday newsletter is the one thing I should be able to bang out, no problem-o.
Let’s see, shall we?
Let me summarize our 2022 in a few sentences. (JK, you know it’s going to be a few pages!)
Somehow our two children have turned out to be well-adjusted and they are back to talking to us again. The hormone train has slowed to a crawl, which could be what I am most thankful for in 2022.
All four of us are honestly living our best lives, watching our dreams come true, and enjoying the ride most of the time.
“Good for us.” Right?
Or maybe, “Go F yourselves, Driskill family.” Depending on the year you’ve had.
Like anyone’s, our year wasn’t devoid of tragedy and heartbreak. We got a little too close to the pain of death when we lost one of our favorite people, a child we have loved since his first days on the earth.
We had painful conflicts with people we love with whom we don’t agree on certain, non-negotiable beliefs. That’s a very complicated thing to navigate, isn’t it.
This year I started to celebrate the return (finally) of my beloved business (for real this time) after COVID-19 shutdowns, only to have it take a marketing nose dive. Jeff tells me this is part of my hero’s journey. Get Organized Already has lasted through tougher times, and we will get through this. But this defeat felt (and still feels) much more annoying and difficult simply because it was probably avoidable.
In the summer Jeff and I were gutted to drive away leaving our baby at the University of South Carolina. Then, only a few months later, we watched a football celebration at her school on national TV. There she was, with 10,000 of her friends, living the dream she manifested for herself. By now, having her gone feels as normal as having her with us felt for 18 years.
Jeff went on another epic fly-fishing trip for his birthday in Colorado. He re-visited a spot where we stayed on our RV adventure in 2020. This time he rented lodging like a normal, sane person.
Zane is grateful to be back in school in-person for his senior year, leading the tennis team and singing bass in school musicals. He loves coding and physics. Basically he’s the biggest nerd ever. But he’s so handsome! he gets away with a lot.
Probably the most significant development in my life this year has been starting individual therapy. Most sessions I feel culpable for a minute: How can a woman with so much going for her deign to spend good money sitting on a couch complaining to a stranger? But I get over the guilt every session and am enjoying figuring out how to be easier on myself, proud of myself even.
Before I bit the psychotherapy bullet I had a conversation with one of my besties wherein we wondered why everyone in our families, except us, was in therapy. As for me, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t going because I was scared. Long story short, I recommend it. Get yourself to a therapist. Lord knows you need one, too!
Every holiday season I try to focus on what is most important and every year I am foiled by normal things: a stupid school function, an illness, a failed baking attempt, or the ever-present LA traffic. To help me prioritize, one year I set a timer on my phone to make a beautiful “gong” noise every fifteen minutes. The gong was supposed to remind me to be present and take a deep breath. It didn’t take long for my kids to ask what that noise was. I explained it and thereafter whenever they heard the gong they launched their polemic, “ARE YOU PRESENT, MOM?” “ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS MOMENT?”
May you be able to focus on what you love most about the holidays this month. And may your family and friends be within reach. (Unless they are toxic and annoying, in which case, may you relish your solitude and rebellion.)
Much love,
Nonni