I’m a part-time staff writer for Apartment Therapy, and for May they’ve called for pitches about tips for travel and packing. I felt uniquely qualified to pen such a piece, and I turned in a version of the story below which my editor completely stripped of personality and had me rework into something super boring. You can read that version next month on their website. In the meantime, here’s the much quirkier and more personal version!
Travel and Packing Tips From a Former Flight Attendant Turned Pro Organizer
I never fly without a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a water bottle.
For the eight years I worked as a full time domestic flight attendant, I was stuck on runways for many, many hours. I got stuck in airports, hotel rooms, hotel lobbies, customs lines, and traffic jams. My trusty PBJ came in handy more times than you can imagine. Sometimes I wouldn’t need it until I was driving in traffic, on my way home, after a 3-day trip and realized I was starving! But more times than not, I needed it.
These days I still bring a PBJ in addition to any meals I bring for myself. The PBJ is emergency food for unexpected situations when air travel really earns its terrible reputation! For example, this past December, my grown daughter had to SPEND THE NIGHT inside the DFW airport along with hundreds of other people. No restaurants were open. No lounges were serving snacks. And no elite, frequent flier status could magically make food appear. I bet those travelers would’ve loved an emergency PBJ!
Consider this: It takes twenty minutes to taxi and take off from major airports when there are no problems. Throw some wacky weather into the mix and you could be on the ground – in a middle seat on an airplane – for a few hours. If this has never happened to you, just be happy you are reading this tip about the PBJ before it happens. Because Friend, it will happen!
During an ice storm one night in Atlanta our plane had to be de-iced three times. By the time we got to the front of the take-off line on the runway, the deicing fluid was gone. Did it slide off? Evaporate? Freeze? I don’t know. I’m not an engineer. I’m just friendly! So we had to de-ice again… And then, about forty-five minutes later, again. It was memorable.
Then there was the time we were diverted by a tornado to Santa Fe on the way to Denver. Once more we sat on the runway for hours, waiting. We weren’t allowed to pull up to a gate in Santa Fe because the airport staff was like, “You guys aren’t even supposed to be here! You can’t come inside our building and buy food or use our bathrooms! Wait on the runway like the castaways you are!” Pan over to me, hunched over, hiding my delicious sandwich while everyone else tucked into their nineteenth bag of pretzels!
So many things are out of your control once you buy a plane ticket. And for this reason, you have to bring extra water. Yes, there is bottled water on the plane. But did you know you should drink 8 oz of water for every hour you are in the sky? Your body is dehydrating like an olympic athlete up there! Don’t drink booze or coffee on the plane because they will dehydrate you even faster. I know you’re bored and airline travel is stressful, in large part because you have to cooperate closely with strangers who may or may not be inebriated. Drink your water. Be the calm, not overly-caffeinated adult. Be the sober person.
One Christmas Eve day I found myself in between two men -- one of whom was definitely tipsy -- arguing during the boarding process about where to stow their luggage. One man’s family had a baby and all of the requisite gear. So there was a lot of shoving things into the overhead bin. One thing led to another and here’s me, weighing about 121 pounds at the time, trying to channel my inner school teacher and get these grown men to sit down and shut up. Holidays are the worst time to travel! Everyone is feeling this stress and pressure to “perform the holidays.” And a lot of people are drinking, which doesn’t help, now does it? On that occasion I knew I was overpowered, so I scurried up the aisle and grabbed the Captain. He channeled his inner vice principal and gave everyone a stern warning about being removed from the flight. (That was pre 9-11 protocol. Post 9-11 protocol would have them immediately removed. Post pandemic protocol would have them arrested.)
Writing this, I’m realizing that most of my in-flight stories are pretty horrible. Let’s move on to something more cheerful: packing!
In luggage, as in life, I am a proponent of having less stuff and more space. If your suitcase is so full you can’t close it when you are starting on your trip, you are in trouble already. Newton’s fourth law is that dirty clothes take up more space than clean clothes.
If you’re bringing expensive jewelry, wear it even if it’s not visible. This will ease your worry of losing it while you travel. Wearing your bulkiest shoes will save room in your luggage. Wear socks to avoid walking through the x-ray machine in your bare feet.
Print a hard copy of your passport and put it in your suitcase. Leave it there always. You never know when you’ll need it. But when you do, you will really, really need it!
I like to bring a nylon, collapsible shopping bag in my purse or luggage to put wet or extra dirty things if my adventure gets messy. Raise your hand if you’ve had bloody-mary mix spilled on you mid-flight.
In your carry-on bag put only these things: toiletries (in case you get stuck overnight with no checked bags,) reading materials and entertainment (including charging cords), food, and warm things like big socks or a puffer jacket. Oh, and of course: a water bottle and your PBJ.
Thank you as always for reading. I appreciate it!
Shannononni